Some Nights
by BornAsTheSeventhMonthDies
Summary: I wish my lips could build a castle. I'll call after the battle. If we're both still alive. / retrospect, for Querencia


**This is the fifth (I think fifth) fic I've written for the QUERENCIA QUARTER QUELL YAY**

 **Fun.**

 **Anyway. The lovely admin gave me the absofuckinlute toughest prompts (THEY WEREN'T EVEN PROMPTS THEY WERE RESTRICTIONS ARRGH) and yet, to my immense surprise, when I look back at this fic…**

 **It might be my favorite thing I've ever written.**

 **And if not, pretty darn close.**

 **Anyway.**

 **[Prompts (*cough* restrictions *cough*):**

 **do not have characters address others at all**

 **you may not use any of the following words at all: they're/their/there, hear/here, your/you're, then/than, two/to/too**

 **you may have at most five misspelled words**

 **you may have at most two tense errors**

 **you must write a completely dialogue-based story, and you may only have five dialogue errors in your whole fic]**

 **Have fun! (The italicized words are the lyrics to fun.'s amazing song 'Some Nights', written and sung by Nate Ruess, who is the most beautiful blessing to humanity since… Emma Watson, I guess.)**

* * *

 _Some nights, I stay up, cashing in my bad luck_

'I was far above the greatest angel. Far above the most powerful demon. I was mortal, and yet I was greater, for I have the one power which they cannot comprehend, and never will.

'I could distinguish between good and evil.

'I was like a lesser god.

'If I had found my way into the first Garden, I would have been a god. I would have been God. Nothing could have – nothing would have – stopped me from taking the fruit of Life. The fruit of creation.

'I would have been a god.'

* * *

 _Some nights, I call it a draw_

'His power is waxing. Like the moon. When the moon reaches its fullest, so shall he.

'Light. Light feeds darkness… behind the light is always an equal shadow. The good feeds evil… war and peace… opposites. Extremes of the swing of the pendulum.'

* * *

 _Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle_

'He says he's gone beyond power. Beyond all of that. He only wishes destruction, and after destruction, rebirth. He says that will be the final step toward omnipotence.

'He's wrong.

'Life? What is life? Life is death's prologue. All we do leads toward death. Life is an interruption. The removal of an interruption can only be for the good. Death will come. All will die. He will rule, supreme, over the endless reaches of the universe. Who will stop him? He is the son of the universe itself. He is its heir.

'No, I'm not drunk.'

* * *

 _Some nights I wish they'd just fall off_

'My father tried calling me last night. I let voicemail go.'

* * *

 _But I still wake up_

'The answer? Of course I seek the answer. I've found the answer.

'42.

'I have no idea what the question is.

'But of course, all answers are good, and I will treasure this one… He can destroy logic. He can destroy the laws of physics themselves, and I will hold the answers I find now. They may be all that is left of my sanity. Answers. The questions, lost.

'Maybe a little bit drunk.'

* * *

 _I still see your ghost_

'Leave me alone. I don't feel like talking… With anyone.

'If _he_ calls, of course, show him in.'

* * *

 _Oh lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh_

 _What do I stand for, what do I stand for… Most nights, I don't know anymore_

'The old has passed and died. Withered. The new has come.

'Forest fires – natural ones – are good for the ecosystem, no matter what some people think. They clear out the dead undergrowth, the accumulation of decades of rotting plantlife. The fire burns it out and makes a space for the growth of new plants. It's the circle of life.

'That's what we're doing. Burning.

'Of course it's the right thing. I know it's the right thing. Look at the old ways. Now look at the new. We're violent in change, but the old ones are violent in stasis. We need brutality – yank the tooth – and the new one can grow and thrive. The old ways are clogging progress.

'Progress.

'It's the way of life.'

* * *

 _This is it, boys, this is war_

'Well, of course I want peace. Of course I want the pain stopped. Don't you think I feel it every time either side takes a loss? But it must be done. For the greater good.

'I'm perfectly sober.

'This is a war. A fight. No one can win without casualties. Unless one side gives in, which we're hoping they do.

'Hope. And life. New life.

'And the peace of death.'

* * *

 _What are we waiting for, why don't we break the rules already_

'I've spent all my life hoping for change like this. Most people don't understand, especially on the other side. They think we're rebels. Murderers. Killers, blackhearted bastards without souls.

'We have hearts. They were broken. By the old ways.

'Forget the past. We'll kill it, if we must. We'll let it burn, along with the old ways and the old thoughts. They never gave us mercy. They never helped us. They let us fall by the way.

'Now we're flying.'

* * *

 _I was never one to believe the hype, save that for the black and white_

'I didn't conform. I didn't fit in. I wanted freedom, freedom of speech, freedom of beliefs. They don't even let you _talk_ freely! It's all a prison. They've been caged, scripted, confined.

'I broke out. We broke out.

'The old ways, the old ones, have clogged the natural course of life. The rule has gone far past its natural course.

'My brothers, my brothers in spirit, are being crushed.

'And they don't even know. They think of us as the destroyers. In a way, we are; but in a way, we're really the creators. We will destroy the old order, yes… but we will create a new one. A fair one.

'And he will come and give us all peace. A rest. Like sleeping at the end of a long day.

'We're liberators.'

* * *

 _Try twice as hard and I'm half as liked… but here they come again to jack my style. And that's all right_

'I'm cursed, you know. A price put upon my head… With the amount that they've offered for me, I could buy my own upstate high rise.

'And they hunt me. No one's nearly caught me… But I'm a hunted man. By the old ways. Notice _he_ 's never put a price on anyone's head.

'Well, one person. But that's an exception.'

* * *

 _I found a martyr in my bed tonight, she stops my bones from wondering… just who I am, who I am, who I am_

 _Oh, who am I_

'Damn…'

* * *

 _That is it, guys, that is all_

'We're attacking them soon. We'll win, of course… Fate has destined them for destruction. How could it be else? This is the natural way of things.

'We are all bound upon the Wheel.

'This time I am drunk.'

* * *

 _Five minutes in and I'm bored again, ten years of this and I'm not sure if anybody understands_

'I don't think anyone really appreciates the massive efforts I've put into this. All this? I created it. I pulled this army out of the shit it was in and I gave them life.

'Some of them were liberated.

'Some came with me.

'All are united under one banner… As a matter of fact, the other side isn't. United, I mean. They've fractured. Divided. Stupid, really…

'They don't hang together.

'They will hang separately.

'And we're mobilizing soon. We'll make ready… Arm the troops. Give speeches.

'We _will_ burn down the old order. Build a new.

'We must.'

* * *

 _This is not one for the folks at home, I'm sorry to leave, mom, I had to go_

'She's still living in the house. My mom. My dad… he moved out soon after I was born. A troubled life it was not, for me. I never needed him.

'It wasn't really safe, being around my mother, though, so I left.

'I found safety in _him_. He promises great things. And he delivers, unlike the old ways.'

* * *

 _Who the fuck wants to die alone, all dried up in the desert sun?_

'If I don't make it out alive, send my parents a letter. Somebody.

'Let them know I did love them. Even him.

'I'll call after the battle. If we're both still alive.'

* * *

 _My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she called love_

'A prologue before death.

'A buildup before the crescendo.

'My sister… half-sister, really… was raped by one of them.'

* * *

 _But when I look into my nephew's eyes… man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things_

'My sister died giving birth. Her son… they took him.

'I stayed for him. He's safe… as safe as someone can be with them. They… are… evil. Evil. When you side with them, they don't give you enough freedom for forming an original opinion. Now that I've broken out, I see clearly…

'They have no initiative. No free will. They live on orders. They die on orders. They breathe on orders. No one can do anything unless it's signed in triplicate and the entire bloody mass of them decides that it won't harm the stability they've held for so long.

'My message to them? Die badly.'

* * *

 _That can come from some terrible nights_

'Attack.'

* * *

 _It's for the best you didn't listen_

 _It's for the best we get our distance_

'I'm sorry.

'I love you.

'Forgive me.

'I was right.'


End file.
